I don't buy it.

You know how people say they just knew right away that their spouse would become their spouse? I don't buy it. I swear I met my future husband, but he apparently changed his mind about me three months later. I say apparently because I'm not sure if he changed his mind about me or if he was abducted by aliens. I haven't heard from him since a drunken New Year's call, which, of course, is hazy and I can't really remember if he said he would ever call me again. It doesn't seem to matter because he has decided not to call me, or the aliens won't let him.

This situation has created all kinds of problems in my dating life. See, I don't know if I should see if he is actually coming to town for work like he said he was a month ago, so should I make plans for this weekend or not? I've already told four guys from match.com that I would see them this weekend, so you see Not-So-Future Husband (NSFH) would really throw a wrench into all those plans.

Before I explain all the guys I've met on match -- and there are some good ones -- I want to lay out the situation with NSFH because it has me scratching my head. By the way, just so you know I'm not some crazy, clingy girl, I never told him I thought I would marry him. Hell, I never even told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend, which makes all this more perplexing.

So, here's the story of me and how FH went to NSFH. This summer I went to visit one of my best friends from college in California, G. I was curious to see if G had any feelings for me because I had grown to really like him over the past few years, even though we hadn't seen each other. G knew all about my relationship drama with my boyfriend of almost six years, and realized long before I did that that relationship was not the right one for me. If only I had listened... So, I go to visit G and we wind up spending time with his friend, who would later become NSFH. NSFH was incredibly good-looking, funny, smart, well-traveled, generous, career-oriented, and, most importantly, he and I had that unmistakable immediate attraction to one another. He told G he thought I was hot. G told me NSFH was divorced and thought I was hot. NSFH and I spend quite a bit of time talking and he as he tried to explain that he is divorced I cut him off --

"I already know," I told him. "G told me."

"What else did G tell you?"

"He said you're a good guy -- one of his best friends."

"What did G tell you about me?" I asked.

"You're smart, super cool, lots of fun to go out with."

We spent quite a long time talking about the artwork in his house, my painting hobby, my running obsession and marathon training. He complimented my pajamas -- a t-shirt and sweatpants -- who does that? Guys who are interested. Over the course of the weekend, I find out he is sent to my part of the country for work on a regular basis. G tells us we should hang out and gives me NSFH's e-mail. We spend the next FOUR!!! months e-mailing, flirting and making plans for his next trip my way. When he finally makes it my way, he takes me out on the town. We talk, talk, and talk. I'm so compelled by our conversations I don't even realize I'm attracted to him. I just love talking to him. He was finishing my sentences, smart, insightful, and damn, when I finally take a minute, I realize he is just as hot as I remember. I wind up back in his hotel. He kisses me and then says,

"I don't want you to stay because I don't want this to be a one-time thing."

I'm shocked. Really? He's that interested? I do wind up staying. The next day I get a day off of work, send him a text that says, "What would you say if my boss gave me a long weekend and I found a cheap flight to California?" His response: "Heck, yeah!" During the next week, he goes grocery shopping and buys all my favorite food, makes plans for us, and seems genuinely excited for me to come visit. He picks me up at the airport, kisses me, and we drive to the beach. We walk barefoot on the beach, and talk, and talk, and he stops every few minutes to kiss me. He wines and dines me, we laugh, we talk, I ask him about his divorce and he says he's glad (otherwise, he would think I didn't care, he tells me), we cuddle, we make-out for hours on end, we watch the sunset from his rooftop. When he has to go to work on Monday he invites me to lunch. We walk around, eat lunch, watch the boats on the water. He tells me he'll miss me and doesn't want me to go. I tell him the same. I almost cry getting in the cab to go home. We start talking on the phone almost every night. He tells me his divorce is finalized a few days after I get back home (I learned he was legally separated when I was visiting him -- G was a little confused about the facts -- but separated for almost 18 months and he had dated several women since moving across the country from his ex-wife). NSFH says about the finalization, "I don't know why I just told you that, but I wanted to. I'm glad you know." He talks about what he'll buy me for Christmas, how he'll come visit soon, how he wants to fly me out to going skiing with him, the next time I come visit him, how he tells his friends about me, how attracted he is to me, that he loves that I'm smart and beautiful. This goes on for about...oh....6 weeks. He calls on Thanksgiving, he drunk dials me and bares much of his soul -- several times. I drunk dial him -- several times. I lose five pounds because I'm so excited about the possibilities with him.

And then things get weird.

He stops responding to my e-mails. He only calls once or twice a week. Then it's once a week. He goes from telling me he was going to extend his work trip so he could spend the weekend with me to saying he might have to keep it short because he plans to adopt a dog (not a new development, but why right now????) and can't be gone the whole week. I text him Merry Christmas. He sends a text back and calls. We talk for a while and then he says he'll call later that week. I'm not surprised when he doesn't call. I send him a Happy Birthday text later that week. He texted back and called, but didn't leave a message. I call him drunk on New Year's, but can't remember the conversation.

Then, last week, G e-mails me and tells me he is jealous that NSFH will get to see me when he comes into town next week. Huh? He's still coming? That's news to me, I tell G. G isn't the type to get involved in anybody else's personal disputes, so I'm not surprised when G doesn't acknowledge my lack of awareness of NSFH's travel plans.

Now, it's Monday. From what I recall, NSFH is supposed to be in town tomorrow. No word. I refuse to call/e-mail/text/look desperate. If he wants to see me, he'll call, right? Hence, why I get the feeling he doesn't want to see me. Now, I wouldn't care so much if I hadn't fallen so hard from him. I figured this would happen, so I didn't want to let myself fall for him, but then he seemed to be falling for me. Most guys don't talk about "our summer" in December if they're not thinking ahead. Most guys don't talk about what they will buy you for Christmas in October, if they're not falling for you. Most don't talk about wanting to take a trip with you in the next couple of months, if they're not interested. Most don't call you on Thanksgiving to make sure you are having a good holiday even though you have to work, if they don't care.

So my question is...what the hell happened? It's not like there was a certain conversation that can be seen as the turning point. I have three theories.

Theory 1

He met someone in his city and is dating her. That's fine -- it's not like I stopped dating, but seriously, you're in your mid-30's, can you just tell me, so I know and can fully move on.

Theory 2

He freaked out about the distance between us and thought I wanted a boyfriend. I do not want a boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I just want to see him when I can and when he's in town. But if he didn't want something serious, he might have wanted to think twice about all the things he said to me...

Theory 3

He was abducted by aliens.

Here's the part that sucks. The FH part. I really thought he and I could have had something special. He talked about us starting our own business together, for God's sake. What the heck was I supposed to think? That he just wanted a booty-call on business trips? Now, I find myself comparing every guy to him. I want to find someone like him in almost every way (except for the random disappearing act, I can do without that). So, not only does he break my heart, he taints my dating pool because, of course, there's no one that similar to him.