That problem is a communication glitch. NSFH is now returning e-mails on a daily basis and even asking questions that require me to return his e-mails. Two months ago I would not have found that to be blog-worthy, but now it has me utterly confused. He ignores me for 2 1/2 weeks and is distant for a couple weeks before that, we see each other and now he's back to talking to me. The only thing that might explain this -- I checked my cell phone. That drunken New Year's call -- I didn't call him, he called me. However, my outgoing message box doesn't go back that far, so I don't know if I called him first and he was calling me back. The next step in deciphering this relationship mystery is to take a look at my cell phone bill for last month. However, if he was calling and I didn't call him first, maybe he did think I was mad at him. I also distinctly remember telling him I was representing all the single people in the world because I was the only single person at the party. I meant that as in I was the only woman not wearing an engagement ring at the party.... Hmph.... I don't get it. Really, if he's that interested this should not be that complicated. The problem is, I am that interested, so I can't stop analyzing everything.
I have some interesting other opportunities for dating, but, as I've mentioned before, NSFH tained the dating pool because now I compare everyone to him. My friend R told me that is okay because if I date someone else and don't feel as strongly about them as I do about NSFH that's a sign it's not meant to be -- that it will only be a fling. Not making me feel better....
This weekend I went out with a new guy from match.com. It was kind of an impromtu meeting for drinks. JJ is a doctor. I swore I would never, ever, ever date another doctor, but he's not like the ex who is a doctor. JJ has traveled all over the world and has all kinds of stories and doesn't strike me as being OCD with a decision-making/stalking problem (Right away that's a plus!). He's been to the Amazon Rainforest -- how cool is that? We totally hit it off and he was very cute. Of course, I already had plans for that night so he and I had to part ways after less than two hours. However, we just text messaged and have plans to go out again in two weeks when I get home from a trip.
After meeting up with JJ I went to see CJ who I had lunch with last week. CJ and I have been e-mailing all week -- he's pretty funny and sarcastic. He bought my favorite beer(s) and we had a few drinks and talked a lot. We called a cab to go to this great dive bar, but the cab never showed up. Instead, we drank more, made frozen pizza and talked, talked, talked. We talked for eight hours -- we were up until 5 a.m. He is incredibly attractive, successful, and sophisticated. His condo looks like it could be in an issue of Home and Garden. There's something a touch weird about the way I feel about him, though. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it was the hickey I woke up with this morning. Ugh...I'm not in college anymore. Now, I'll be wearing turtlenecks all week. At least it's cold here. Really cold. Turtlenecks for three days straight cold.
I ran into one of the ex-boyfriends this weekend. He looked at me like I had the plague. My friend was even taken aback at how akward the whole encounter was. He and I have talked and e-mailed a bit since we broke up, so I didn't think it would be that akward. Apparently I underestimated the ability of a man in his mid-30's to act like a toddler. That really makes me look forward to dating some more...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
From Russia with Love....
Any anger I had towards NSFH disappeared the second I saw him. God, he's gorgeous. He walked right up to me, kissed me, gave me a big hug, and I have never felt such relief.
We had a couple of drinks and talked, talked, talked. I found out he really is not having a good time with work and is worried that the project he is working on is going to fail. He says it's the worst project he's had and he's never felt this way about any project. He says he's been working crazy hours and might start looking for a new job. I'm starting to notice a trend in the way he talks about things. He might start looking for a new job. He might come to visit for a week. He might adopt a dog. I think he has the overwhelmed at work syndrome – not making excuses, here – just making an observation. I get it sometimes -- I have grand plans to do a lot of stuff, but never get around to it. However, I do know most of the stuff I really want to do, I do.
I had looked up several restaurants for us to check out and we settled on this well-known Russian place. I thought he might like it, seeing as though he used to live in Russia. We definitely had fun. I tried all kinds of Russian food – not bad, but there’s a reason Russians are not known for their culinary skills. He seemed like a kid in a candy store, ordering his favorite dishes, teaching me all about the food. That is what I love about dating interesting people – all the stuff you can learn from their experiences.
We caught a cab back to his hotel and I layed in his arms the whole way back.
I’ll spare everyone the details of what happened back at the hotel, but let’s just say, it will be a challenge to make sure anything in the future measures up. Part of it is the fact that he’s gorgeous. The other part is the fact I’m totally head-over-heels into him. He did tell me he extended his trip to make sure he would see me (still doesn’t answer the why the hell didn’t he tell me he was coming question), talked about where we would go next time, and talked about some plans for this summer.
While the weekend didn’t answer all my questions about him, I think I realized something. Obviously we are far apart and in transitional points in our lives – I don’t know where I’ll be living in seven months – but this is too good to not go for it. However, I realize it’s just not realistic to try for something serious -- at least right now. It sucks because I really just want to see what would happen if we were in the same city for an extended period of time, but that’s not going to happen.
With that said, I went on two other dates this weekend. I am very excited about the one I went on Sunday afternoon with CJ. CJ is older, successful, has his life together, and loves dogs (I notice a pattern here in the guys I’m dating). We went for coffee and wound up deciding to have lunch and talking for three hours. He’s incredibly good-looking, too. We’ve been e-mailing today and are going out again Saturday night. I’m very excited!!!
I got together with RM again Sunday night. He continues to intrigue me and make me laugh, but I’m still stuck on the age thing. I think he wants something pretty serious, too, which is not what I want right now.
We had a couple of drinks and talked, talked, talked. I found out he really is not having a good time with work and is worried that the project he is working on is going to fail. He says it's the worst project he's had and he's never felt this way about any project. He says he's been working crazy hours and might start looking for a new job. I'm starting to notice a trend in the way he talks about things. He might start looking for a new job. He might come to visit for a week. He might adopt a dog. I think he has the overwhelmed at work syndrome – not making excuses, here – just making an observation. I get it sometimes -- I have grand plans to do a lot of stuff, but never get around to it. However, I do know most of the stuff I really want to do, I do.
I had looked up several restaurants for us to check out and we settled on this well-known Russian place. I thought he might like it, seeing as though he used to live in Russia. We definitely had fun. I tried all kinds of Russian food – not bad, but there’s a reason Russians are not known for their culinary skills. He seemed like a kid in a candy store, ordering his favorite dishes, teaching me all about the food. That is what I love about dating interesting people – all the stuff you can learn from their experiences.
We caught a cab back to his hotel and I layed in his arms the whole way back.
I’ll spare everyone the details of what happened back at the hotel, but let’s just say, it will be a challenge to make sure anything in the future measures up. Part of it is the fact that he’s gorgeous. The other part is the fact I’m totally head-over-heels into him. He did tell me he extended his trip to make sure he would see me (still doesn’t answer the why the hell didn’t he tell me he was coming question), talked about where we would go next time, and talked about some plans for this summer.
While the weekend didn’t answer all my questions about him, I think I realized something. Obviously we are far apart and in transitional points in our lives – I don’t know where I’ll be living in seven months – but this is too good to not go for it. However, I realize it’s just not realistic to try for something serious -- at least right now. It sucks because I really just want to see what would happen if we were in the same city for an extended period of time, but that’s not going to happen.
With that said, I went on two other dates this weekend. I am very excited about the one I went on Sunday afternoon with CJ. CJ is older, successful, has his life together, and loves dogs (I notice a pattern here in the guys I’m dating). We went for coffee and wound up deciding to have lunch and talking for three hours. He’s incredibly good-looking, too. We’ve been e-mailing today and are going out again Saturday night. I’m very excited!!!
I got together with RM again Sunday night. He continues to intrigue me and make me laugh, but I’m still stuck on the age thing. I think he wants something pretty serious, too, which is not what I want right now.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The trouble with e-mail...
...is that you never quite know what the other person is thinking. NSFH and I have plans for Friday. I'm feeling confused/excited/nervous. He e-mailed me promptly today when I confirmed the plans, asked what I wanted to do, and said he would be willing to drive the hour from his hotel to my apartment if I wanted to go out around here. Does he want a booty call that badly or is there something more? Or am I just reading too much into this?
No matter what, it will be a jam packed weekend of dating. Here's the breakdown on the match.com guys I'm seeing.
NG -- He and I went to the art museum last weekend. I was not really attracted to him, but had a really nice time with him. He's super smart, funny, and has lived/traveled all over the world. He's also a violin player. How cool is that? He had me laughing so loud in the museum other people were staring. We definitely spent more time talking than really looking at any art. We wound up in the museum cafe and talked for about another hour before I had to go. I decided to give him another date because of his personality, but I'm not sure there's any spark there. I also know that can come with time. He e-mailed me and suggested wine while watching the sunset and then going out on the town Saturday night. I agreed.
RM -- He and I went to dinner and drinks last weekend and are going out on this Sunday. I also wound up staying at his apartment...yes, overnight. He and I had gotten to know each other over e-mail pretty well, so I figured we would hit it off. We certainly did. We spent about 2 1/2 hours at dinner, he bought a bottle of wine (and let me pick it out), insisted we get dessert (it was really good -- I'm glad I listened), and then suggested we go for more drinks. That turned into another 2 hours of talking, laughing, and sitting very close to one another. I wasn't planning to go home with him, but when he offered after 20 minutes of making out in my car, I figured, what the hell. We stayed up talking until about 4 a.m. He was incredibly sweet and caring and I dunno...I just felt really comfortable with him. I forgot I was on a first date. He's very smart and interesting. He's actually not an American and just moved to the states about nine years ago. That has made for some really interesting conversations. I love meeting all kinds of people. He asked if I usually date Indian guys and I said I've dated them in the past, but I don't purposely go seek them out. He and I decided I'm a passive Indo-phile. We thought that was really funny at 3 a.m. The only problems? I'm not as attracted to him in person as I was just seeing his pictures, but I am still attracted to him. I'm also really not used to dating guys around my age. That's the problem with NG, too. It's just weird. I like guys who are more established in their careers/lives/decorating abilities (i.e. no college furniture, which, of course, isn't really fair considering my couch looks like I shot my grandmother's drapes and I still have half the same furniture I had in college).
I am also trying to set up a date for Sunday afternoon with another match guy, C. C is older, 11 years older than me, and seems to have his stuff together. He just finished redecorating part of his house. We've really hit it off over e-mail -- he loves that I like to drink beer. Beer is still my alcohol of choice, so any guy who doesn't mind that I like Miller Lite and make no apologizes for it, wins points with me.
Now, I just have to figure out how to fit all this dating in....
No matter what, it will be a jam packed weekend of dating. Here's the breakdown on the match.com guys I'm seeing.
NG -- He and I went to the art museum last weekend. I was not really attracted to him, but had a really nice time with him. He's super smart, funny, and has lived/traveled all over the world. He's also a violin player. How cool is that? He had me laughing so loud in the museum other people were staring. We definitely spent more time talking than really looking at any art. We wound up in the museum cafe and talked for about another hour before I had to go. I decided to give him another date because of his personality, but I'm not sure there's any spark there. I also know that can come with time. He e-mailed me and suggested wine while watching the sunset and then going out on the town Saturday night. I agreed.
RM -- He and I went to dinner and drinks last weekend and are going out on this Sunday. I also wound up staying at his apartment...yes, overnight. He and I had gotten to know each other over e-mail pretty well, so I figured we would hit it off. We certainly did. We spent about 2 1/2 hours at dinner, he bought a bottle of wine (and let me pick it out), insisted we get dessert (it was really good -- I'm glad I listened), and then suggested we go for more drinks. That turned into another 2 hours of talking, laughing, and sitting very close to one another. I wasn't planning to go home with him, but when he offered after 20 minutes of making out in my car, I figured, what the hell. We stayed up talking until about 4 a.m. He was incredibly sweet and caring and I dunno...I just felt really comfortable with him. I forgot I was on a first date. He's very smart and interesting. He's actually not an American and just moved to the states about nine years ago. That has made for some really interesting conversations. I love meeting all kinds of people. He asked if I usually date Indian guys and I said I've dated them in the past, but I don't purposely go seek them out. He and I decided I'm a passive Indo-phile. We thought that was really funny at 3 a.m. The only problems? I'm not as attracted to him in person as I was just seeing his pictures, but I am still attracted to him. I'm also really not used to dating guys around my age. That's the problem with NG, too. It's just weird. I like guys who are more established in their careers/lives/decorating abilities (i.e. no college furniture, which, of course, isn't really fair considering my couch looks like I shot my grandmother's drapes and I still have half the same furniture I had in college).
I am also trying to set up a date for Sunday afternoon with another match guy, C. C is older, 11 years older than me, and seems to have his stuff together. He just finished redecorating part of his house. We've really hit it off over e-mail -- he loves that I like to drink beer. Beer is still my alcohol of choice, so any guy who doesn't mind that I like Miller Lite and make no apologizes for it, wins points with me.
Now, I just have to figure out how to fit all this dating in....
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Hitting the eject button
I have to say my friends have provided very good insight into NSFH's behavior. My friend R gets the award for the most creative advice. "We [men] sometimes hit the eject button and we don't really know why we did it."
I guess that is one of the great differences between men and women. I mean, have you ever heard a woman say, "I just stopped calling him. I don't really know why"? Exactly. We might have lame excuses, "He wore this shirt that totally reminded me of my ex-boyfriend and I just couldn't take it," but at least we have a reason.
After receiving numerous e-mails offering advice and insight, I took my lovely friend A's advice. A is very good at reading people and usually very level-headed, which was evidenced by her e-mail. "...I think you should call him. Maybe he thinks you're mad at him. Maybe he's just being a jackass. But if he's as a great as you say he is, give him a chance and throw him a rope." I didn't call, but I sent an e-mail:
Hey NSFH,
Heard you might be heading out this way this week. Pack warm -- it's incredibly cold here. Have a good flight.
I almost fell out of my chair when he wrote back. Yes, he will be here and wanted to know what my plans are for later this week. While a younger version of myself would have been jumping for joy, the mature, seasoned dater I'm becoming was skeptical. I would have at least expected an explanation of why he's been ignoring me for 2 1/2 weeks. Nope. Nada. Just, what are your plans for the week? Against my better judgement, I write back. He tells me he was hoping to see me. When? Next year? Were you going to contact me or was I just supposed to show up at your hotel to surprise you?
I'm not sure what to make of this. Part of me is thinking he wants to see me so he can tell me all about the girl he's dating back home and why he and I can only be friends from now on. But, of course, friends would be too strong a label. Friends communicate with one another, or at least explain why they've been MIA. But I'm going to see him. As A told me, "It's so hard to get a feel for what someone's thinking if you're not in person (and even then it's weird....)." Point well taken. Although I'd feel better if I knew he had lost his eject button.
I guess that is one of the great differences between men and women. I mean, have you ever heard a woman say, "I just stopped calling him. I don't really know why"? Exactly. We might have lame excuses, "He wore this shirt that totally reminded me of my ex-boyfriend and I just couldn't take it," but at least we have a reason.
After receiving numerous e-mails offering advice and insight, I took my lovely friend A's advice. A is very good at reading people and usually very level-headed, which was evidenced by her e-mail. "...I think you should call him. Maybe he thinks you're mad at him. Maybe he's just being a jackass. But if he's as a great as you say he is, give him a chance and throw him a rope." I didn't call, but I sent an e-mail:
Hey NSFH,
Heard you might be heading out this way this week. Pack warm -- it's incredibly cold here. Have a good flight.
I almost fell out of my chair when he wrote back. Yes, he will be here and wanted to know what my plans are for later this week. While a younger version of myself would have been jumping for joy, the mature, seasoned dater I'm becoming was skeptical. I would have at least expected an explanation of why he's been ignoring me for 2 1/2 weeks. Nope. Nada. Just, what are your plans for the week? Against my better judgement, I write back. He tells me he was hoping to see me. When? Next year? Were you going to contact me or was I just supposed to show up at your hotel to surprise you?
I'm not sure what to make of this. Part of me is thinking he wants to see me so he can tell me all about the girl he's dating back home and why he and I can only be friends from now on. But, of course, friends would be too strong a label. Friends communicate with one another, or at least explain why they've been MIA. But I'm going to see him. As A told me, "It's so hard to get a feel for what someone's thinking if you're not in person (and even then it's weird....)." Point well taken. Although I'd feel better if I knew he had lost his eject button.
Monday, January 15, 2007
I don't buy it.
You know how people say they just knew right away that their spouse would become their spouse? I don't buy it. I swear I met my future husband, but he apparently changed his mind about me three months later. I say apparently because I'm not sure if he changed his mind about me or if he was abducted by aliens. I haven't heard from him since a drunken New Year's call, which, of course, is hazy and I can't really remember if he said he would ever call me again. It doesn't seem to matter because he has decided not to call me, or the aliens won't let him.
This situation has created all kinds of problems in my dating life. See, I don't know if I should see if he is actually coming to town for work like he said he was a month ago, so should I make plans for this weekend or not? I've already told four guys from match.com that I would see them this weekend, so you see Not-So-Future Husband (NSFH) would really throw a wrench into all those plans.
Before I explain all the guys I've met on match -- and there are some good ones -- I want to lay out the situation with NSFH because it has me scratching my head. By the way, just so you know I'm not some crazy, clingy girl, I never told him I thought I would marry him. Hell, I never even told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend, which makes all this more perplexing.
So, here's the story of me and how FH went to NSFH. This summer I went to visit one of my best friends from college in California, G. I was curious to see if G had any feelings for me because I had grown to really like him over the past few years, even though we hadn't seen each other. G knew all about my relationship drama with my boyfriend of almost six years, and realized long before I did that that relationship was not the right one for me. If only I had listened... So, I go to visit G and we wind up spending time with his friend, who would later become NSFH. NSFH was incredibly good-looking, funny, smart, well-traveled, generous, career-oriented, and, most importantly, he and I had that unmistakable immediate attraction to one another. He told G he thought I was hot. G told me NSFH was divorced and thought I was hot. NSFH and I spend quite a bit of time talking and he as he tried to explain that he is divorced I cut him off --
"I already know," I told him. "G told me."
"What else did G tell you?"
"He said you're a good guy -- one of his best friends."
"What did G tell you about me?" I asked.
"You're smart, super cool, lots of fun to go out with."
We spent quite a long time talking about the artwork in his house, my painting hobby, my running obsession and marathon training. He complimented my pajamas -- a t-shirt and sweatpants -- who does that? Guys who are interested. Over the course of the weekend, I find out he is sent to my part of the country for work on a regular basis. G tells us we should hang out and gives me NSFH's e-mail. We spend the next FOUR!!! months e-mailing, flirting and making plans for his next trip my way. When he finally makes it my way, he takes me out on the town. We talk, talk, and talk. I'm so compelled by our conversations I don't even realize I'm attracted to him. I just love talking to him. He was finishing my sentences, smart, insightful, and damn, when I finally take a minute, I realize he is just as hot as I remember. I wind up back in his hotel. He kisses me and then says,
"I don't want you to stay because I don't want this to be a one-time thing."
I'm shocked. Really? He's that interested? I do wind up staying. The next day I get a day off of work, send him a text that says, "What would you say if my boss gave me a long weekend and I found a cheap flight to California?" His response: "Heck, yeah!" During the next week, he goes grocery shopping and buys all my favorite food, makes plans for us, and seems genuinely excited for me to come visit. He picks me up at the airport, kisses me, and we drive to the beach. We walk barefoot on the beach, and talk, and talk, and he stops every few minutes to kiss me. He wines and dines me, we laugh, we talk, I ask him about his divorce and he says he's glad (otherwise, he would think I didn't care, he tells me), we cuddle, we make-out for hours on end, we watch the sunset from his rooftop. When he has to go to work on Monday he invites me to lunch. We walk around, eat lunch, watch the boats on the water. He tells me he'll miss me and doesn't want me to go. I tell him the same. I almost cry getting in the cab to go home. We start talking on the phone almost every night. He tells me his divorce is finalized a few days after I get back home (I learned he was legally separated when I was visiting him -- G was a little confused about the facts -- but separated for almost 18 months and he had dated several women since moving across the country from his ex-wife). NSFH says about the finalization, "I don't know why I just told you that, but I wanted to. I'm glad you know." He talks about what he'll buy me for Christmas, how he'll come visit soon, how he wants to fly me out to going skiing with him, the next time I come visit him, how he tells his friends about me, how attracted he is to me, that he loves that I'm smart and beautiful. This goes on for about...oh....6 weeks. He calls on Thanksgiving, he drunk dials me and bares much of his soul -- several times. I drunk dial him -- several times. I lose five pounds because I'm so excited about the possibilities with him.
And then things get weird.
He stops responding to my e-mails. He only calls once or twice a week. Then it's once a week. He goes from telling me he was going to extend his work trip so he could spend the weekend with me to saying he might have to keep it short because he plans to adopt a dog (not a new development, but why right now????) and can't be gone the whole week. I text him Merry Christmas. He sends a text back and calls. We talk for a while and then he says he'll call later that week. I'm not surprised when he doesn't call. I send him a Happy Birthday text later that week. He texted back and called, but didn't leave a message. I call him drunk on New Year's, but can't remember the conversation.
Then, last week, G e-mails me and tells me he is jealous that NSFH will get to see me when he comes into town next week. Huh? He's still coming? That's news to me, I tell G. G isn't the type to get involved in anybody else's personal disputes, so I'm not surprised when G doesn't acknowledge my lack of awareness of NSFH's travel plans.
Now, it's Monday. From what I recall, NSFH is supposed to be in town tomorrow. No word. I refuse to call/e-mail/text/look desperate. If he wants to see me, he'll call, right? Hence, why I get the feeling he doesn't want to see me. Now, I wouldn't care so much if I hadn't fallen so hard from him. I figured this would happen, so I didn't want to let myself fall for him, but then he seemed to be falling for me. Most guys don't talk about "our summer" in December if they're not thinking ahead. Most guys don't talk about what they will buy you for Christmas in October, if they're not falling for you. Most don't talk about wanting to take a trip with you in the next couple of months, if they're not interested. Most don't call you on Thanksgiving to make sure you are having a good holiday even though you have to work, if they don't care.
So my question is...what the hell happened? It's not like there was a certain conversation that can be seen as the turning point. I have three theories.
Theory 1
He met someone in his city and is dating her. That's fine -- it's not like I stopped dating, but seriously, you're in your mid-30's, can you just tell me, so I know and can fully move on.
Theory 2
He freaked out about the distance between us and thought I wanted a boyfriend. I do not want a boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I just want to see him when I can and when he's in town. But if he didn't want something serious, he might have wanted to think twice about all the things he said to me...
Theory 3
He was abducted by aliens.
Here's the part that sucks. The FH part. I really thought he and I could have had something special. He talked about us starting our own business together, for God's sake. What the heck was I supposed to think? That he just wanted a booty-call on business trips? Now, I find myself comparing every guy to him. I want to find someone like him in almost every way (except for the random disappearing act, I can do without that). So, not only does he break my heart, he taints my dating pool because, of course, there's no one that similar to him.
This situation has created all kinds of problems in my dating life. See, I don't know if I should see if he is actually coming to town for work like he said he was a month ago, so should I make plans for this weekend or not? I've already told four guys from match.com that I would see them this weekend, so you see Not-So-Future Husband (NSFH) would really throw a wrench into all those plans.
Before I explain all the guys I've met on match -- and there are some good ones -- I want to lay out the situation with NSFH because it has me scratching my head. By the way, just so you know I'm not some crazy, clingy girl, I never told him I thought I would marry him. Hell, I never even told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend, which makes all this more perplexing.
So, here's the story of me and how FH went to NSFH. This summer I went to visit one of my best friends from college in California, G. I was curious to see if G had any feelings for me because I had grown to really like him over the past few years, even though we hadn't seen each other. G knew all about my relationship drama with my boyfriend of almost six years, and realized long before I did that that relationship was not the right one for me. If only I had listened... So, I go to visit G and we wind up spending time with his friend, who would later become NSFH. NSFH was incredibly good-looking, funny, smart, well-traveled, generous, career-oriented, and, most importantly, he and I had that unmistakable immediate attraction to one another. He told G he thought I was hot. G told me NSFH was divorced and thought I was hot. NSFH and I spend quite a bit of time talking and he as he tried to explain that he is divorced I cut him off --
"I already know," I told him. "G told me."
"What else did G tell you?"
"He said you're a good guy -- one of his best friends."
"What did G tell you about me?" I asked.
"You're smart, super cool, lots of fun to go out with."
We spent quite a long time talking about the artwork in his house, my painting hobby, my running obsession and marathon training. He complimented my pajamas -- a t-shirt and sweatpants -- who does that? Guys who are interested. Over the course of the weekend, I find out he is sent to my part of the country for work on a regular basis. G tells us we should hang out and gives me NSFH's e-mail. We spend the next FOUR!!! months e-mailing, flirting and making plans for his next trip my way. When he finally makes it my way, he takes me out on the town. We talk, talk, and talk. I'm so compelled by our conversations I don't even realize I'm attracted to him. I just love talking to him. He was finishing my sentences, smart, insightful, and damn, when I finally take a minute, I realize he is just as hot as I remember. I wind up back in his hotel. He kisses me and then says,
"I don't want you to stay because I don't want this to be a one-time thing."
I'm shocked. Really? He's that interested? I do wind up staying. The next day I get a day off of work, send him a text that says, "What would you say if my boss gave me a long weekend and I found a cheap flight to California?" His response: "Heck, yeah!" During the next week, he goes grocery shopping and buys all my favorite food, makes plans for us, and seems genuinely excited for me to come visit. He picks me up at the airport, kisses me, and we drive to the beach. We walk barefoot on the beach, and talk, and talk, and he stops every few minutes to kiss me. He wines and dines me, we laugh, we talk, I ask him about his divorce and he says he's glad (otherwise, he would think I didn't care, he tells me), we cuddle, we make-out for hours on end, we watch the sunset from his rooftop. When he has to go to work on Monday he invites me to lunch. We walk around, eat lunch, watch the boats on the water. He tells me he'll miss me and doesn't want me to go. I tell him the same. I almost cry getting in the cab to go home. We start talking on the phone almost every night. He tells me his divorce is finalized a few days after I get back home (I learned he was legally separated when I was visiting him -- G was a little confused about the facts -- but separated for almost 18 months and he had dated several women since moving across the country from his ex-wife). NSFH says about the finalization, "I don't know why I just told you that, but I wanted to. I'm glad you know." He talks about what he'll buy me for Christmas, how he'll come visit soon, how he wants to fly me out to going skiing with him, the next time I come visit him, how he tells his friends about me, how attracted he is to me, that he loves that I'm smart and beautiful. This goes on for about...oh....6 weeks. He calls on Thanksgiving, he drunk dials me and bares much of his soul -- several times. I drunk dial him -- several times. I lose five pounds because I'm so excited about the possibilities with him.
And then things get weird.
He stops responding to my e-mails. He only calls once or twice a week. Then it's once a week. He goes from telling me he was going to extend his work trip so he could spend the weekend with me to saying he might have to keep it short because he plans to adopt a dog (not a new development, but why right now????) and can't be gone the whole week. I text him Merry Christmas. He sends a text back and calls. We talk for a while and then he says he'll call later that week. I'm not surprised when he doesn't call. I send him a Happy Birthday text later that week. He texted back and called, but didn't leave a message. I call him drunk on New Year's, but can't remember the conversation.
Then, last week, G e-mails me and tells me he is jealous that NSFH will get to see me when he comes into town next week. Huh? He's still coming? That's news to me, I tell G. G isn't the type to get involved in anybody else's personal disputes, so I'm not surprised when G doesn't acknowledge my lack of awareness of NSFH's travel plans.
Now, it's Monday. From what I recall, NSFH is supposed to be in town tomorrow. No word. I refuse to call/e-mail/text/look desperate. If he wants to see me, he'll call, right? Hence, why I get the feeling he doesn't want to see me. Now, I wouldn't care so much if I hadn't fallen so hard from him. I figured this would happen, so I didn't want to let myself fall for him, but then he seemed to be falling for me. Most guys don't talk about "our summer" in December if they're not thinking ahead. Most guys don't talk about what they will buy you for Christmas in October, if they're not falling for you. Most don't talk about wanting to take a trip with you in the next couple of months, if they're not interested. Most don't call you on Thanksgiving to make sure you are having a good holiday even though you have to work, if they don't care.
So my question is...what the hell happened? It's not like there was a certain conversation that can be seen as the turning point. I have three theories.
Theory 1
He met someone in his city and is dating her. That's fine -- it's not like I stopped dating, but seriously, you're in your mid-30's, can you just tell me, so I know and can fully move on.
Theory 2
He freaked out about the distance between us and thought I wanted a boyfriend. I do not want a boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country. I just want to see him when I can and when he's in town. But if he didn't want something serious, he might have wanted to think twice about all the things he said to me...
Theory 3
He was abducted by aliens.
Here's the part that sucks. The FH part. I really thought he and I could have had something special. He talked about us starting our own business together, for God's sake. What the heck was I supposed to think? That he just wanted a booty-call on business trips? Now, I find myself comparing every guy to him. I want to find someone like him in almost every way (except for the random disappearing act, I can do without that). So, not only does he break my heart, he taints my dating pool because, of course, there's no one that similar to him.
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