Thank Goodness For Friends...

...because after the last couple of days that I've had, I don't think I would be able to think straight without their support. As some of you may know, I learned this week that my ex-boyfriend, SW, is dating one of the college girls I work with. Now, if this were some new thing, something casual, I don't think I would be too upset, but that's not the case. The following things bother me:

-She's 22. He's 32.
-She's still in college.
-She works with me -- you know, the ex of two years.
-She's already met his parents.
-They've been going out for "several" months. Hell, we only broke up five months ago.

At least she's cute. My good friend KA did some Facebook stalking for me and found an obnoxious quote on her page from the ex. Funny thing is...he hates Facebook, MySpace, any of that stuff, and thinks it's immature and stupid. Glad dating a college girl is not immature and stupid?

After sending a mass panic e-mail after this realization to many of my friends, I have received great advice and encouragement. Most agree that he's either doing this to get back at me, needs a bigger social circle, or is just a jerk. Perhaps it's all of the above.

The best part is KA's dad says he ran into a co-worker of mine (KA and I used to work together) who said he wanted to say hi to KA and me when we saw him out a couple weeks ago, but he couldn't say hi because SW was with him and that would make things all akward because SW doesn't want to have contact with me. Mature.

Sometimes relationships suck. On the other hand, I have some new prospects I must fill you all in on.

I think my moving soon is cramping my dating style...

Just as I am feeling all distraught – okay, that’s too strong a word – disappointed, that’s better, about NSFH, I wind up in a flirty text message exchange with JG from New York. I’m heading back to NY, but, unfortunately, JG is out of town the weekend I will be there. I told him I would need to come back out then, and he agreed. This is clearly a physical thing, but he fits the role perfectly.

NSFH sent an e-mail that got me all emotionally tied-up in him again. He was talking about us getting together soon. He wants to know how my move will fit in with his plans to be in my area. It looks like we will cross paths. I don’t know if I should just not see him because I will get all attached and stuff. But then, I’ll be disappointed if I miss the chance to see him.

I am hoping to see JJ again this weekend. He’s so random, though, it’s hard to tell if he wants to get together or not. We had some nice conversations last week during the week, but this week I’ve been too busy at work to really talk to him.

There are a couple of other interesting guys on match that I’m up for meeting (tired of going through the same four right now), but it is getting difficult to meet people considering I am going to move in a few months. The problem is, I don’t want to wait until I move to meet new guys. I want to date and have fun now while killing time before my move. Perhaps I’ll meet some new guys in NY when I am there next month.

As I am writing this I just got a text message from JG – not to be confused with JG from NY – JG is a guy I met in Chicago. I’ll refer to him as Chicago JG from now on. He and I had a lot of fun over the holidays, but I haven’t seen him since then. He’s very young – 24 – which is too young for me. He’s fun, though, and was the first guy I slept with without intentions of wanting to date him seriously – a.k.a. the first guy after I hung out with NSFH in California (but before NSFH became distant and weird). I like to drunk dial him and he does the same to me – he’s very entertaining after he’s been drinking.

NSFH Who?

I think I’m making progress. I managed to buy a plane ticket for when NSFH is “supposed” to be in town without even thinking he might be in town. I’m not putting my life on hold for him. In fact, I’m starting to kind of think he sucks. Who does he think he is playing with my mind like this? He knows what he said to me last fall and if he wants to pretend he never made any of those statements about the future to me, fine, but he’s missing out.

I went out with JJ again this weekend. Or, rather, I went to his house and we hung out. I find him incredibly attractive, intelligent, and a bit odd. I still am convinced he is ADD. It’s weird because I am obviously falling for him, as evidenced by the monologue in my head Saturday night:

“Wow, I really like him. Does he really like me or does he just want to get laid? What if he doesn’t really like me? Well, then why would he have signed up for match? There are easier ways to get booty calls. Is my moving in five months putting a major wrench in every potential dating situation? Who wants to get involved with me if they know I’m leaving? What if he wants to get involved, but is holding back because he knows I’m not sticking around? God, he’s really good-looking. He is really random, but I don’t picture him out meeting other girls. He does send nice text messages and call on a regular basis. He puts forth a decent amount of effort to make me think he’s not just looking for a booty call. Oh, who cares? He’s hot!”

I also had a lunch date with CJ. I definitely think there is something too strange about him. He is too clingy for me. I told him Wednesday night that I would get together with him Saturday and call him then. He sends me two text messages and calls Saturday to make sure I’m still coming up. Yes, I am still coming into town, but I have better things to do than check in with him every 12 hours. I know I must cut it off, but I’m not sure how I am going to do that. I suck at breaking up with people. In fact, I believe I have only successfully broken up with three people on the first try. The first two were in high school and the second one was last fall. I am known for my inability to end any relationship with exact finality. This time it isn’t a question of whether I’m making a mistake, it is just a question of how do I do it so I don’t feel like a jerk. I think the answer is there is no way to break up with someone without feeling like a jerk.

I swore I would never date another doctor...

...but then I realized that would be totally unfair to all the potential doctor dates out there. And now I realize it is also a good thing I didn't keep up my end of that promise. I went out with JJ again last night and had a blast. Yes, he's a doctor, but he's not crazy (or at least doesn't show any signs at this point) like the infamous ex. He took me to a hockey game and I had a blast. He reminds me a lot of my friend G, who some of you might remember I used to have a huge crush on. What I have always loved about G is how he talks to anyone about anything. He makes friends with people in stores, on the subway, in a restaurant, etc. Sometimes he crashes and burns, but usually he makes people laugh. JJ is kind of the same way. I was sorta thinking he might be ADD or ADHD and now that I think of it, G is ADHD and unmedicated, which explains his random verbal outbursts and inability to stay one topic for more than three minutes. JJ is pretty much the same way, which is actually pretty fun.

He started out the date by telling a story about his afternoon workout and encountering old naked men in the sauna at the gym. "And I walk in and there is this cock that's eye-level. Wait. Can I say cock on a second date?"

Me: "You already did, so I guess it's okay. Actually, it's fine."

JJ: "Okay, good, it didn't seem like you would mind."

We had a lot of laughs people watching and making out in a parking garage. Yes, a parking garage. Hey, it was cold outside.

The thing I realized on this date was that it had what some of the other ones were missing. When our arms touched at the hockey game I was all giddy thinking he might be interested (I wasn't sure at that point). I want to see him again...I really want to see him again soon. I just haven't felt that way about my other dates. I just didn't realize it because I did have fun on those dates and the guys are good-looking and interesting.

CJ is becoming more stalkerish. I didn't return a text message and he seemed testy. I was at work and pretty dang busy today shopping and working out. Hello, don't freak out if you don't hear from me for 24 hours. Reminds me of a certain crazy ex.

Okay, so I lied...

I'm not totally okay with nothing happening with NSFH. I mean, I'm certainly much more comfortable with it than I was before, but I still want something more. He sent an e-mail (yes, apparently he does remember how to do that) to a bunch of people about getting a dog. In this e-mail, he discussed when the dog will go to obedience school -- a couple months out. This, of course, leads to the question, will he be coming back into town anytime within the next couple of months for work, like he said he would. I have no reason to believe that he wouldn't, but still, I wonder. Plus, I am supposed to go out there a couple times in the next few months and wonder if he'll want to see me. Can I stay with him? I dunno....

The good news is I only obsessed about this for maybe a grand total of 30 minutes today. That is a vast improvement, thanks, of course, to JG. Instead, I find myself thinking of JG and finding more guys like him. I am also preoccupied with waiting to hear from grad schools, so that also takes my mind away from NSFH. Plus, I decided NSFH is great, but we're not a perfect match. I am not sure what I was thinking at first. We are a good match, maybe a great match, but not the kind of match that winds up married.

I found a new guy on match.com. Or, rather, he found me and sent an e-mail. I have to say his profile was by far the funniest one I have ever read on that site, and one of the funniest pieces of writing I have read in a while. I'm excited to see if he and I can get together. Of course, the other part of me thinks, "He's from the Midwest. I don't like Midwest guys. He's also in my time zone -- a definite strike." That's not because I don't want to date people in my time zone -- it's just they don't seem like my kind of people. I never had this problem before. When the heck did I develop this phobia/dislike/lack of serious attraction to any guy in this area?

They Just Don't Make Them Like This in the Midwest

It's official. I cannot find a guy I really like in my time zone. That's the bad news. The good news, I found a guy I really like. Now, granted nothing is going to come of my one-night stand with JG, who I met last weekend in NYC, but he certainly helped me remember not to obsess of NSFH. In fact, as soon as I stopped thinking about NSFH, which walking around the streets of Manhattan made me do in, oh, five minutes, NSFH decides to text message me. I actually was on my way to meet JG and didn't text NSFH back until the next day. Go me!

So, I was in NYC for a grad school event and JG was a second-year student I met right away. We have some of the same career goals, so he wanted to talk to me about that. After the first day's events I ran into JG at the school-sponsored drinking party (grad school is going to be so much better than undergrad). He and I totally hit it off, and, oh, he is gorgeous. He invited me out to the bars with some of his friends and him, but I was pretty drunk and tired and still had my suitcase with me. We exchanged numbers and he texted the next day. That night I met him and a couple friends at a great bar downtown. We wound up at a bar/club/loungy place and sat very close on a couch. After about three Jack and diets, I wound up going home with him. Hell, I would have gone home with him without alcohol. He's smart, attractive, sophisticated, dresses well, successful, and very east coast. He's even better looking with his clothes off. He clearly has spent a good amount of time at the gym.

After a fun night and morning, he and I went our separate ways, but will probably be in touch if I get into the school. He sealed the deal for me on the school. If only the admissions office knew. As I walked to the subway in glorious NYC on a Saturday morning I realized NSFH is not the only man outside my time zone who interests me. I realize he and I will have fun when he's in town, but, quite frankly, it's not the end of the world if nothing comes of it.

I think I will be going out with JJ again this weekend. He invited me to a hockey game. I am most excited about getting to know him better. CJ let me crash at his place and drove me to the airport last weekend, but there is something odd about him. It certainly was weirder when he's ex-live-in-girlfriend called several times at 1 a.m. He eventually answered the phone, so, of course, I was listening to the conversation. He didn't seem too happy with her phone calls. I'm not sure what the deal is with their break-up. I don't care that she called because a) he and I have been on 2 dates and b) I have a stalker ex, too, so who am I to judge? I found out later they had bought two homes together. Very serious stuff. Maybe too serious for me. I'm still out making up for lost time with boys in different time zones.

Houston, We Have a Problem

That problem is a communication glitch. NSFH is now returning e-mails on a daily basis and even asking questions that require me to return his e-mails. Two months ago I would not have found that to be blog-worthy, but now it has me utterly confused. He ignores me for 2 1/2 weeks and is distant for a couple weeks before that, we see each other and now he's back to talking to me. The only thing that might explain this -- I checked my cell phone. That drunken New Year's call -- I didn't call him, he called me. However, my outgoing message box doesn't go back that far, so I don't know if I called him first and he was calling me back. The next step in deciphering this relationship mystery is to take a look at my cell phone bill for last month. However, if he was calling and I didn't call him first, maybe he did think I was mad at him. I also distinctly remember telling him I was representing all the single people in the world because I was the only single person at the party. I meant that as in I was the only woman not wearing an engagement ring at the party.... Hmph.... I don't get it. Really, if he's that interested this should not be that complicated. The problem is, I am that interested, so I can't stop analyzing everything.

I have some interesting other opportunities for dating, but, as I've mentioned before, NSFH tained the dating pool because now I compare everyone to him. My friend R told me that is okay because if I date someone else and don't feel as strongly about them as I do about NSFH that's a sign it's not meant to be -- that it will only be a fling. Not making me feel better....

This weekend I went out with a new guy from match.com. It was kind of an impromtu meeting for drinks. JJ is a doctor. I swore I would never, ever, ever date another doctor, but he's not like the ex who is a doctor. JJ has traveled all over the world and has all kinds of stories and doesn't strike me as being OCD with a decision-making/stalking problem (Right away that's a plus!). He's been to the Amazon Rainforest -- how cool is that? We totally hit it off and he was very cute. Of course, I already had plans for that night so he and I had to part ways after less than two hours. However, we just text messaged and have plans to go out again in two weeks when I get home from a trip.

After meeting up with JJ I went to see CJ who I had lunch with last week. CJ and I have been e-mailing all week -- he's pretty funny and sarcastic. He bought my favorite beer(s) and we had a few drinks and talked a lot. We called a cab to go to this great dive bar, but the cab never showed up. Instead, we drank more, made frozen pizza and talked, talked, talked. We talked for eight hours -- we were up until 5 a.m. He is incredibly attractive, successful, and sophisticated. His condo looks like it could be in an issue of Home and Garden. There's something a touch weird about the way I feel about him, though. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it was the hickey I woke up with this morning. Ugh...I'm not in college anymore. Now, I'll be wearing turtlenecks all week. At least it's cold here. Really cold. Turtlenecks for three days straight cold.

I ran into one of the ex-boyfriends this weekend. He looked at me like I had the plague. My friend was even taken aback at how akward the whole encounter was. He and I have talked and e-mailed a bit since we broke up, so I didn't think it would be that akward. Apparently I underestimated the ability of a man in his mid-30's to act like a toddler. That really makes me look forward to dating some more...